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Decade Old Memories
I was looking through my hard drive, and in a folder called "c:\OldDrives\D_Niven\Ami Pro Docs", I found a bunch of word processing documents that I made back when I was in college. Most of them aren't very interesting, but there are some items that remind me of the person I was then. I found a letter that I had sent to a girl who was coming to Georgia Tech that fall that described my college friends; I thought I was being cute, but reading it now, it's really condescending to them. Another piece was a rough draft of a 'zine that I worked on about myself. There were a few short poems combined with a self-deprecating top-ten list, along with a really lame manifesto, some record reviews, and a "shout-out" section. It was a little like a blog, but all in one big chunk. I guess I was a wide-eyed guy who felt like the world would be changed by my actions, a revolutionary. A lot of the artifacts of my last year of school and my first year in Austin reflect that.

I found an essay I wrote for my Italian and French cinema class, analyzing the film "The Icicle Thief" and how it used the framing device of classic film "The Bicycle Thief" and used it to comment on Italian consumerism. The essay didn't really do that well, but the professor did credit me with comments on how I'd incorporated screen captures into the work to refer to scenes in the film. I've also found a few more items, ones where I thought I was being honest and open, but seem manipulative or petty now. Of course, now I can look at those and know what happened and how they affected people's feelings; when I wrote them, I didn't have the benefit of future sight.

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I feel your angst. I found a bunch of my early writings when I packed/unpacked a few months ago, and just cringed. Then I reminded myself that I was taking them WAY out of context, and that the recipients probably saw them for what I meant them to be at the time. Don't be too hard on yourself; they helped get you where you are now. :)

Thanks for the support. I'm not trying to be hard on myself. I think this is just helping me learn more about me, and when I wrote this, I was doing a lot of thinking about another situation that was going to be resolved. (see my next LJ post ).

Yes, Ben at 30 is much different than Ben at 21. Let us give thanks for this! However I'm surprised that a lot of the activities and patterns I developed in college seem to be repeating in my life.

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